Austin Ellis Hesse - Online Memorial Website

To Austin and his family - I read your story and wept but please know that it also brought me comfort as my 23 year old daughter is addicted to meth.  She is a very angry young woman but one with so much to give the world; before she relapsed she was just about to start her senior year in college with plans to go to law school.  I love her so much but was beginning to believe her when she told me how much she hated me - the phone call you made to your mother and father before you died about how sorry you were and how much you loved them - reading about it has given me a little peace - maybe she does love me.  Thank you Austin for your words have helped me and I am sure have helped others.  I am raising my granddaughter and when she is old enough I will tell her your story and I know it will help her - please know that your life and your story have helped others.

 

May your family find peace and comfort knowing how much you loved them.

 

Brianne

I hope you find peace. I am sure you must be just overwhelmed. This is heartbreaking. So heartbreaking. What loss. I am sorry for you.

I am struggling now with my poor husband who is slowly having his soul stolen by meth. This is how meth seems to me:
It is as if meth is an actual creature whose existence depends on creating deception and reverse thinking to guarantee its very existance.  It wants to live and the only way for it it live is to take over the person it lives in.
With arogance it glares at me from the back of my husbands eyes. The front of his eyes are my loves still. I am scared that will be gone too one day. I am scared because meth knows I can't compete with it. It is making him promises (lies) and then laughing as my dear is kicked down to his knees in delusion and then shame.
I don't know what to do.
I will pray a big prayer tonight for all of us in this hell.
My love to you all, Beth

 

Beth if you can still see the love your husband has for you in his eyes then it may not be too late.  Use that love to make him understand what he is doing to you and to your relationship.  You have to be strong...stronger than you probably have ever been before to help him realize you can't deal with his addiction and that he has to stop.  Make him get help not only to save himself....but to save you too.  If you ever want to talk do can contact me by clicking on the link at the bottom of the page.

My Condolences go out to Austins mother ,  I was reading this website and it brought tears to my eyes, I feel your pain. My fiancee is going through this evil sickness..  Meth is the devil, This evil drug takes over your life , It hurts everyone around.  Thank you for creating this Website, I know that you have touched many people . Because, you touched me.. God Bless Austins mother and all the mothers of meth addicts. I pray for you all.. Sandy .. sandycandy02@yahoo.com

i live on a indian reservation and have been using,  there are no programs here to help and there is soooo much depression that after the age of fifteen there is nothing but death to look forward to.  i want to change, i want to live, where do i go? 

 

Matt contact me by using the link at the very bottom of the page......we will find you some help. Until then....remember you are not alone.

I have lost my brother to meth he was 23. But now you are in heaven and never have to deal with addiction ever again. You are free of it. With God holding your hand. You are both missed and loved by many!

As everyone, I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I was sitting here online with my teenagers, forcing them to read about meth and watch the "faces of meth" pictures, trying to make them so very aware. We have been to many many sites tonight, but I think yours was the most touching and the most "real" to them. Thank you for taking the time to help others find the words and the way to let our children know just how serious this drug is.  May God be with you, always. Thank you for sharing your love.

On behalf of Mothers Against Methamphetamine we are sooo sorry for your loss and promise to you to do what we can to end this misery.....((((hugs))))

IM sorry for your loss i would have of never seen this site until someone offered me meth i wasent sure what i was getting into so i decided to look it up before i was going to try it and what i have seen i dont like and i feel bad for the people who are going through that and suffring now i know and i thank you that you have this web sit if it wasent for you i would of have proably be in the same position again im sorry for all those who have passed away from this and i will pray for those and you will always be in my prayers

I am a recovering addict, clean 2 yrs. I will be watching over my 3 children 4eva to make sure they don't follow my addiction disease.We can only hope, can't we. Sorry for your loss xoxoxox

Hello, I lost my dear son, Sam, on Sept 23, 2005.  He was addicted to methamphetamine, too.  The past year has offered me challenges and opportunities.  Sam was from Maine, but had moved to New Mexico to live with his father, a disabled Viet Nam vet.  He had a substance abuse problem for several years, but meth took it to a whole new level.  He was working in Arizona when he could no longer cope with his situation, and could not maintain employment.  He returned to Maine, but he was to far down the road to believe he could recover. 

 

My tendency was to blame myself, thinking I could have saved him.  There are many other people who felt they could have saved him too, if only...

 

Over the last year I have read many books and listened to books on CDs, trying to grasp what life is all about.  What I have learned is: things are the way they are, even though they make no sense at times.  I no longer try to figure things out.   I do not analyze, judge, or try to understand Sam's death.  It is just the way things happened.  There are mysteries in life that I am content to just leave as mysteries (my oldest son taught me that).

 

The only way I can find peace is to accept what is.  Sam was a huge focus in my life, but he was not the only focus.  I have worked to bring joy back into my life as a a tribute to Sam.  I want him to see me as a strong happy person.  I will not let methamphetamine ruin my life too.

 

I am a registered nurse.  One thing I know is that we are all going to die.  Sam always wanted to be the biggest, the strongest, and first.  I can picture him saying "death, ok I'll be first, I'll be waiting there to greet you when it's your turn". 

 

I know he is still here, just not in his physical form.

 

I feel for you.  I understand what you are going through.  I am not a religious person, but I am very spiritual.  Prayer and meditation have helped my through time when I felt the pain was unbearable.  It does get easier.

 

One of my fears was that I was going to forget him (sounds kind of silly, doesn't it).  Sometime over the last year I realized it is ok for me to forget about him, because I can remember him anytime I want to. 

 

We recently had Sam's "anniversary".  His brother, sister, sister-in-law and I went to his favorite mountain and had a ceremony.  There were no tears.  It was very peaceful.  We have come a long way in the last year.

 

My cousin lost her daughter, in a accident, several years ago.  She said someone told her: a parent never gets over the loss of a child, they just get used to it.

 

There have been many magical things that have happened, since Sam's death.  The thing that happens most often is lights go on unexpectedly.  It is amazing because when Sam returned to Maine, he had blacked out the windows in his truck, he removed the lights and blinkers from his motorcycle.  And he did not have a functioning mirror on his truck or motorcycle.  It seemed like a metaphor for his life on methamphetamine: the lights were off and he could not see anything behind him, it was full speed ahead.  So to have lights come on without a person turning them on seems like a message from Sam saying "I'm in the light now".

 

May you find peace in your sadness. 

 

 I believe our life situation and our life are two different things.  Our life is the deep vastness of eternity that will go on for ever.  Our life situation is the circumstances of our present physical form, which will only last for a brief time.  Our life will go on forever, but our life situation is temporary and is in constant change. 

 

I mentioned that I am a nurse.  I have been with many people at the time of their death.  As I wrote above, one thing I know is that we will all die someday.  Another thing I know is it will not happen in chronicle order.

 

Everyone will eventually loose some one dear to them.  It is the nature of life.  How we deal with it is the important thing.

 

May you and your family find the strength to connect with the joy.  May you feel the happiness your son brought to you, and may you feel the presence of his life, the eternal life that never goes away.

 

With love, Jeanne 

 

         

oh god! when i read the stories on this site all i could do was cry... you guys have touched my heart so deeply.  I was once a meth addict and yes it was the hardest thing I ever had to overcome.  I lost everything i loved before i gave it up.  I've wrote poetry and letters about my addiction.  Im so sorry for your loss and I put myself in your son's shoes and god i know how he felt.  I hope that you become involved with the rehabilitation of many other families who are suffering greatly from this "devil's drug".  no words can describe the feeling, the pain, and the aftermath of this addiction.  it compares to no other.  and it does NOT discriminate.  Im sorry! I hope and pray you have peace.  I will say a prayer for you.

"God I Hurt"

I said "God I Hurt"

and God said "I know"

I said "God I Cry alot"

and God said "That is why I gave you tears"

I said "God I am so depressed"

and God said "That is why I gave you sunshine"

I said "God my son has died"

and God said "So did mine"

I said "God it is such a loss"

and God said "mine was nailed to a cross"

I said "God but your son lives"

and God said "so does your"

I said "God where is he now?"

and God said "Mine is on the right and yours lives in the light"

I said "God I hurt"

and God said "I know"

 

I would like to say to austin's mom i don't know you but dear god in heaven does and i know he know's . my prayers are with you Becky in La

I am a mother and grandmother of meth users. My son (37) hit rock botton and spent 6 month in prison. I know it is a day by day recovery, but I feel he is stronger now and will win. My grandson (18 ) is using but in the stage "I can quit when I want." stage. I pray that others like you will be willing to show the world what this is doing to our young. Sorry for your loss. I will hold you in my prays.

To Jill Sell and Bill Hesse,

                 In honor of your son, I give you my word I will try the best I can to stay sober.  No matter how hard it gets, I will keep moving forward and not look back.  

                                                                              Sincerely,

                                                                                    A recovering Meth Addict

                                                                                         and a 23yr old female

                                                                                              named Beth

TO AUSTINS WHOLE FAMILY IM SORRY HE DIDNT GET THE PROGRAM BUT I CAN EMPATHIZE WITH HIM I KNOW THE PAIN OF NOT HAVING THE DRUG AND ITS A VERY HARD FIGHT TO WIN MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU ALL BUT DO HIM A FAVOR AND PLACE NO BLAME ON HIM

May you find peace in heaven, you have had your hell on earth! Our love goes out to you Austin and your mom and little brother Daniel. Watch over them!!

To Jill....Bill....and Daniel

 

Time will ease the pain but never erase the memories of Austin.  Look upon the good times.

 

My heart goes out to each of you.